Hold my hand

As I walked my 6 year old daughter to school today , we walked and chatted as we usually do .

The sun was shining , the birds were singing as I took her beautiful soft hand in my hand , and savoured every minute !

Her hand is so small , and it won’t always be so small ! It won’t always fit in mine !

She won’t always want to hold my hand !

So we walked , and I just held her hand and wrapped the memory up in pretty pink paper , to save it in my mind !

I went to work and savoured this early morning walk !

We can often wander through life , rushing from home to school to work ,
and not really take the time to appreciate the here and now !

I went to my mums after work , she minds the kids on a Tuesday , and I shared my thoughts with her and I took her hand and I held it ! It mightn’t be as small as it used to be but I hope it felt as nice !!

“Once I had her hand, I never wanted to let go of her.”

― Ottilie Weber, Family Ties

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The world has gone mad

The last week ,the world seems to have gone mad !

Bombs in Boston , lock downs and man hunts ! Sky news on repeat in the house!

My husband up glued to the man hunt , the aftermath of those bombings .

I’ve read lots of blogs from mums that were in Boston . I’ve read about how they dealt with their beautiful children ! About how they tried to protect them from the reality that was outside their door !

And I’ve been reading today about the fear that has been left behind !

I completely understand this fear ! And yet I know in my heart of hearts that this fear is futile !

Anything can happen to us our children or our families at any time .

Car accidents, sickness, falls! Tragedy may befall any of us at any time and it doesn’t need to involve a terrorist of any kind !

It is exactly for this reason that we need to appreciate every moment that we have with our husbands ,children ,sisters,brothers,mothers and fathers ,friends ,colleagues ,the people we meet on the bus .

We can’t get this moment back and worrying about what the future may hold detracts from this moment . And this moment is the only thing that we can be sure of .

They call it the present because that’s exactly what it is a gift .

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
William Allen White

Impermanence

My little girl has a wobbly tooth !

A huge part of me is scared , sad ,petrified !

I want to hold back time . My baby is growing up !

She is so excited ! She has shared with me all the things her friends have told her will move the process along ! She wishes she liked apples . Apparently a big bite will really speed the whole thing up !

She can expect the tooth fairy to check on the tooth tonight before she will decide how much it’s worth !

She is so happy and I feel so sad !

And yet I know from all my reading that impermanence is one of the Buddhist teachings which can help us to let go of this pain!

Nothing stays the same , we will never have this day again.

Parenthood reminds us of this every day

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”
― Alan Wilson Watts

“Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”
― W. Somerset Maugham

And so I need to take my guidance from her and ride this roller coaster called life with her !

I’m going to join her dance xx

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Birthday girl

This day 6 years ago I was lying petrified in a hospital bed knowing that I was going to become a mother the next day .

I was petrified for a long time and found the whole transition to motherhood a scary ,soul searching ,guilty laden journey .

Looking back I was very depressed but I felt I was just a useless mother .

It’s only on recent year when I let go of the need to be right , of the need to know what I’m doing that I Veblen able to enjoy my children more ..

They have been my teachers.

I adore them to bits and love the journey we are now on !

I saw this and thought it was so true .

“No mother is ever, completely, a child’s idea of what a mother should be, and I suppose it works the other way around as well. But despite everything, we didn’t do too badly by one another, we did as well as most.”
― Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale

I only started to enjoy being a mammy when I realised I could only do my best ,and that was going to have to be good enough !

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New year

I’m lying in bed , typing this , beside a sleeping 3 year old and 5 year old . Both cried going to school and play school today . Both , had no problem going in with dad ! Mam also had to work today so I was late for that too !

I had long chats this evening , but both are adamant that they miss me too much and so they will not be going to school tomorrow ! Oh and my husband goes away working tomorrow too !

I know from previous experience with my daughter that she was always fine , when I left it ,was the actual act of separation , that she found difficult ? But it’s not any easier to deal with now .

I found these poems on the Internet I thought they were adorable and reassuring . Most of us are in the same boat ,lost at sea looking for comfort from other parents .

K is for Kindergarten—hip, hip, hooray.
I is for imagination we use everyday.
N is for numbers—we know one, two, three.
D is for drawing, the best you can see!
E is for exercise to keep our bodies strong.
R is for reading books all day long.
G is for good friends. We made more each day
A is for the alphabet we know how to say.
R is for remembering everything we learned.
T is for treats every Friday we earned.
E is for excitement. This year we’ve had some.
N is for next year. First grade here we come!

I love this

The First Day
I gave you a little wink and smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave
And know your child must stay.
You’ve been with him for five years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave him at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
I’ll love him as I would my own
And help him learn and grow.
For as a parent, I too know
How quickly the years do pass
And that one day soon it will be my turn
To take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For I will love him and take him in
When you leave him at my door.

Any advice or tips anyone ? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences