I can’t believe I get to almost 40 and only now discover I’m part of a club .
ACOD adult children of divorced parents . I’m one of them . I have been for many years now but it’s only in recent times that I’ve realised I have a name and that a part of this club !!
It feels quite good to have a name after all these years just thinking I was mad alone !!!
The upset , the dramas are never ending !!
I see from my latest research that adult children have a much harder time as they are quite often expected to take sides and are treated badly if they don’t .
That’s always been the case with myself and my siblings and because there was infidelity involved the hurt and the anger is ongoing !!
Sometimes you can quite literally feel like a taut pulled elastic band between the two parents . And if you were let go you might actually fly away like a real elastic band would !!
I found this on line and cried and cried and cried after our most recent drama !
The problem is there is still a child in all of us and we as adults still hurt the same as children do even if our parents don’t realise it !!
What I need from my mom and dad: A child’s list of wants
I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don’t stay involved, I feel like I’m not important and that you don’t really love me.
Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.
Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don’t have to send messages back and forth.
When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don’t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.
Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.
Source: University of Missouri